One year on: The Epiphany

This week marks the one year anniversary of this blog, set up to motivate me in my quest to get back to being 'creative', whatever form that took, and to have FUN with it.

I cannot believe how far I have come in just one year. I am not someone who naturally chases after anything in life. Yet in May last year, after a random conversation with some arty-crafty people I decided to stop sounding like an artist and actually become one again. So my 30 day challenge began: to draw or create something every day for 30 days, and to log everything I did on this site for motivation.
And I did it!

 

What surprised me most was what I was able to achieve if I put enough commitment into it. A challenge soon became a habit, and now I itch to draw every week or something in me is missing.

I'm not writing this to sound like I have found the answer to all my problems - far from it. This year has brought more challenges to me mentally, physically and spiritually than I could have predicted. 

But I did have a revelation, an epiphany if you like. 

It all began with something I found in the attic:

 

Aren't they gorgeous? A box of very old, soft chalk pastels, given to me by my grandfather when I was... very young.

I stood holding the box at the bottom of the attic ladder, and cried. I will try to explain why. 

Because for years I have walked round with a chip on my shoulder. I begrudged anyone vaguely artistic, anyone who had a 'creative' career, anyone who had studied art or design or illustration or photography and who actually continued to be creative. I even begrudged the fact that my parents leaned heavily towards numbers, engineering, physics, and maths. Surely I had been robbed of having creative parents who knew exactly how to set me up in a creative career? 

It's funny what we choose to hear and see, isn't it? This chip on my shoulder (created solely by me, myself and I) sat there for years. That grudge affected many areas of my life.
...I thought the designers I worked alongside were arrogant know-it-alls. In fact they had worked damn hard to get where they were (and were probably blagging a lot, like everyone else!).
...I thought my choice of studying printing and photography was a huge mistake. But in fact I was totting up years of experience in Photoshop, a skill that has served me no end. And photography got me my first job, a company I stayed with for 8 years.  
...I thought the dreams of that 16-year-old wannabe graphic designer would always be... just dreams. But as a result of my illustrations I am getting work creating logos, and have built up a portfolio and skills by voluntarily designing flyers and leaflets for my church over the last 10 years.

Since finding the pastels, I have discovered many other bits and pieces stored away.

- a mini-easel given to me by my parents (when I was still a teenager)
- the excellent set of Sable brushes from my paternal grandparents
- a beautiful set of Japanese brushes unopened, given to me by a friend at university
- the wooden artist's mannequin, the pencil sets and books from my parents.
I could go on.
All bought with love, all chosen for me, because they knew me. They knew my heart's desire.
But I had no confidence in my own talent.
I thought someone else would drop a successful career in my lap.
And I respond more to 'words' than gifts, so when someone says something negative it knocks me harder than anything positive lifts me.

I'm sorry, but all the clichés are true.

• Follow your passion with all your heart.
• Be active in your desire - the dream won't just come to you.
• Do it your way, not copying others.
• Don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle. (I love this one - so true!)
• Do your best, that's all you can do.
• Remember growth comes from making mistakes and learning how to pick yourself up.
• Peaks are always followed by troughs. The mountains wouldn't look beautiful if the valleys didn't sit either side.
• Don't let the passion overcome reality. We all need to clean the bathroom at some point. You'll get the balance.
• Define your own success. My happiest moment can't be compared to what others may want from their career.
• Be grateful for what you have, right here, right now.

Who you are is who your are. Your talents and gifts, the bits that make you, what others admire you for, will always be part of you. Don't be ashamed of them.

 

Your way is no better or worse than others, it's just your way.

 

My mum found this in her attic:

 

 

Painted by my uncle Clive (who is a fantastic artist and has always owned his creativity) this sweet little rabbit was made for me when I was a baby. I remember it hanging in my room as I grew up. Finding it again brought back huge waves of nostalgia, and with it the memory of all the love and hope and potential that surrounded me back then.

I just had to realise it for myself.

 

Thanks for reading! x  

Quaint, Queer and just a little bit Weird...

Soooo...

it's been a while...

Sorry!

Things have gone slightly crazy round here, and instead of having nothing to blog about, I have so much to blog about I don't know where to start!

 

This weekend the big event finally arrived...

I was invited to be part of this fantastic event by my good friend Nicki so I could showcase some of my work. This Alternative Wedding Fair has been months of hard work for the organisers, and they did not let the exhibitors down. It was busy the whole time with all sorts of crazy fun; cabaret acts, cosplay, retro and rockabilly hair and make up, belly dancing, steam punk, gigantic cakes, huge paper flowers... I could go on. It was awesome.

 

So here are a few of my designs gracing the 'Gothic/Night Circus' Style Area:

 

 Photo: Nicki Komorowski

 

 

And here is little old me sketching away at my stall:

 

Photo: Nicki Komorowski

 

I had lots of lovely conversations, met great people and even got an exciting commission!

 

 What a great opportunity.

Now, on with that very long to-do list...

 

Waves and Breakers

You know that piece I mentioned in my last post, the type I said will 'sit deep in the soul and simmer there for months...like a tricky friend I really care about' ?

Well, today I finished it - hoorah!

 

And I am really happy with it.

 

But it is deep... and meaningful.

 

 

('Waves and Breakers' - acrylic and spray paint)

 

Today is the start of PMDD Awareness Month.

I started this piece in January, just after I was diagnosed with PMDD myself. I am now on medication to help.

If you want to find out more, this U.S. site is great (PMDD is not so well known or commonly recognised in the UK)

 

"In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me.
From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
    and you listened to my cry.
You hurled me into the depths, into the very heart of the seas,
    and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers swept over me."

Jonah 2:1-3

Thanks for reading!

Inspiration - where I get my ideas

Someone asked me yesterday how I come up with ideas. It varies; sometimes an image or person inspires me and an extension of that floats round in my head for a while until it's time to put it down on paper:

With 'The Dress' I just knew I wanted to do a crazy dress that went on and on and had lots of detail and colour. It turned out nothing like planned, but it was fun, and I loved seeing how she emerged on the page. Ideas came to me as I was working on this and it only took a couple of evenings.

 

At other times I see a photo or video clip and that image sticks in my head, so like emptying the rubbish I have to sketch it quick, because it's not ground-breaking, it's just there, and will probably sit there getting in the way of my more creative stuff until I do jot it down. This, I have learnt, is the great importance of sketch-booking/journaling:

 

These legs 'broke-in' a new sketch book, but was pretty much taken from a photo I remembered seeing. It was good practice for body shape.

 

Then there are the ideas that sit deep in the soul and simmer there for months, sometimes years. They are the pieces that bring out the real 'drama queen artist' in me, when my husband asks me why that canvas has been sitting in the corner (getting in the way, gathering dust) for months I just vaguely mutter something like, 'I'm not sure which way it's going, I'm a bit stuck, I'll get back to it at some point' and waft out of the room.

 To anyone who finds artists a bit weird and on another planet, this sort of piece will prove you right (see sunflower seeds above). That piece is like a tricky friend I really care about, we'll chat again soon, not sure where we're at but I know it will be difficult and I want to get it right.

 

Then there are the ideas that come straight from my kids - great fun:

 

 

And the ones that spill out, and develop, and surprise you with a huge theme like 'life and death':

 

 This is 'The Fallen Ones', a larger canvas piece that is currently hanging in the Bentlif Gallery in Maidstone Museum - pop in and see The Bentif Open Art Prize, showing until 3rd May. It is a really fantastic variety of work and I am very excited to be part of it.

Thanks for reading!

Mixing it up

I'm continuing to challenge myself, and feel very privileged to have the time to keep this up.
The brilliant Illustration Friday website posts a theme each week so I'm attempting to do a piece for that (if I'm inspired by the theme! The challenge is to do something even when uninspired...). This has really helped me to continue to experiment, try new things and get a bit competitive have fun!

 

Here's what I came up with for the topic of 'Sleep'.

 

 

Here I've placed pen drawing over watercolour for the first time, something I've been intending to try for a while. Mixing it up was great, and I really like the result.

 

Also I've posted more pieces on my tumblr page.

 

Working through it

I had a bit of a disaster week. I gave a lot of time and energy to a couple of pieces that really may end up in the bin. Grrr. It's a little soul-destroying to put in so much effort and not feel as though you have made much progress.

But then last night I took the pressure off myself, and went back to doing what I love - brush pens and ink.

Pushing yourself is great and a vital part of achieving those goals or learning new things. But then I'm trying to cultivate, remember? And part of that is saying 'okay, this is not working - but I know what does.'

Taking the easier route is sometimes okay. Sitting where we know we can find rest is not always lazy, or cheating. It's being honest about who we are and what we need.

 

So here's the piece that took flipping ages, and I am really NOT happy with:

 

Here's some sketchbook practice for the upcoming wedding fair I'm showing at (more of that soon):

 

And here's the beginning of something I am quietly confident about... can't wait to see how it turns out!...

 

Freezing

I love winter, but I am shivering more than usual today.

Busy trying new techniques.

I enjoyed doing the detail on this...