I cannot believe how far I have come in just one year. I am not someone who naturally chases after anything in life. Yet in May last year, after a random conversation with some arty-crafty people I decided to stop sounding like an artist and actually become one again. So my 30 day challenge began: to draw or create something every day for 30 days, and to log everything I did on this site for motivation.
And I did it!
What surprised me most was what I was able to achieve if I put enough commitment into it. A challenge soon became a habit, and now I itch to draw every week or something in me is missing.
I'm not writing this to sound like I have found the answer to all my problems - far from it. This year has brought more challenges to me mentally, physically and spiritually than I could have predicted.
But I did have a revelation, an epiphany if you like.
It all began with something I found in the attic:
Aren't they gorgeous? A box of very old, soft chalk pastels, given to me by my grandfather when I was... very young.
I stood holding the box at the bottom of the attic ladder, and cried. I will try to explain why.
Because for years I have walked round with a chip on my shoulder. I begrudged anyone vaguely artistic, anyone who had a 'creative' career, anyone who had studied art or design or illustration or photography and who actually continued to be creative. I even begrudged the fact that my parents leaned heavily towards numbers, engineering, physics, and maths. Surely I had been robbed of having creative parents who knew exactly how to set me up in a creative career?
It's funny what we choose to hear and see, isn't it? This chip on my shoulder (created solely by me, myself and I) sat there for years. That grudge affected many areas of my life.
...I thought the designers I worked alongside were arrogant know-it-alls. In fact they had worked damn hard to get where they were (and were probably blagging a lot, like everyone else!).
...I thought my choice of studying printing and photography was a huge mistake. But in fact I was totting up years of experience in Photoshop, a skill that has served me no end. And photography got me my first job, a company I stayed with for 8 years.
...I thought the dreams of that 16-year-old wannabe graphic designer would always be... just dreams. But as a result of my illustrations I am getting work creating logos, and have built up a portfolio and skills by voluntarily designing flyers and leaflets for my church over the last 10 years.
Since finding the pastels, I have discovered many other bits and pieces stored away.
- a mini-easel given to me by my parents (when I was still a teenager)
- the excellent set of Sable brushes from my paternal grandparents
- a beautiful set of Japanese brushes unopened, given to me by a friend at university
- the wooden artist's mannequin, the pencil sets and books from my parents.
I could go on.
All bought with love, all chosen for me, because they knew me. They knew my heart's desire.
But I had no confidence in my own talent.
I thought someone else would drop a successful career in my lap.
And I respond more to 'words' than gifts, so when someone says something negative it knocks me harder than anything positive lifts me.
I'm sorry, but all the clichés are true.
- Follow your passion with all your heart.
- Be active in your desire - the dream won't just come to you.
- Do it your way, not copying others.
- Don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle. (I love this one - so true!)
- Do your best, that's all you can do.
- Remember growth comes from making mistakes and learning how to pick yourself up.
- Peaks are always followed by troughs. The mountains wouldn't look beautiful if the valleys didn't sit either side.
- Don't let the passion overcome reality. We all need to clean the bathroom at some point. You'll get the balance.
- Define your own success. My happiest moment can't be compared to what others may want from their career.
- Be grateful for what you have, right here, right now.
Who you are is who your are. Your talents and gifts, the bits that make you, what others admire you for, will always be part of you. Don't be ashamed of them.
Your way is no better or worse than others, it's just your way.
My mum found this in her attic:
Painted by my uncle Clive (who is a fantastic artist and has always owned his creativity) this sweet little rabbit was made for me when I was a baby. I remember it hanging in my room as I grew up. Finding it again brought back huge waves of nostalgia, and with it the memory of all the love and hope and potential that surrounded me back then.
I just had to realise it for myself.
Thanks for reading! x
